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Traber Announces Presidential Run

In a surprise Monday morning announcement, Corvallis’ Mayor Biff Traber tossed his hat into an already crowded ring for the Democratic Party’s 2020 presidential nomination. City Councilors, still in last Tuesday’s Council Work Session could not be reached for comment.

Traber, age 69, says he’ll run on a platform of putting legislators to work 24/7 on the people’s business, and being the only completely white haired candidate that doesn’t constantly yell at the mic.

Social media response was immediate: Both President Trump and Beto O’Rourke tweeting almost simultaneously, “What is a Corvallis?” The only other mayor of note running for the Democratic nod is South Bend Indiana’s Peter Buttigieg, who tweeted, “Umm, his name is Biff, and it makes one wonder what future we’ll be going back to.”

First elected mayor in 2014, Traber handily won another four year term last year. Political analysts quickly sprung to action on Traber’s announcement, finding Oregon on a map, and wondering why the hell Corvallis has all the good beer and cider.

– Satire By April Pool

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